The Fall

The result of my fall effectively caused me to sleep. Sleep in my myriad of thoughts and emotions. This sleep was effectively where I developed my own blemished field. Yet this condition gave me a chance to wake up and choose to study.

Choice; yes I had a choice and daily have this choice.

This choice is and was part of surrender; it compelled me to ask for help from outside of what I believed in idea and what I believed was me. This asking showed that if I asked with my whole being and surrendered to the potential of this asking then all the assistance I needed was there.

This asking began with; I do not know what I am.

The choice was not about how to act or react, but to choose to learn and not in the Worldly sense of learning of indoctrination. This learning with time and patience opened the ability to observe my actions and reactions.

This asking knew that it did not know, and truly could not conceive where it leads.

It took many years before I understood even vaguely that it was possible to observe without judgment of my activities. The possibility of it was brought to light by daily surrender and listening, this listening piloted me into a silence, this silence which brought on a process of experiencing in an observational manner from this silence.

Through this observation I learned of the act of confession and this confession was reporting of my thoughts as they occurred, without judging them; thoughts had their own judgment, since as soon as I had one thought another of the opposite would take its place. When observed and viewed it was apparent that neither was real and no thought that occurred was required to be acted upon.

I eventually came up with [for personal use, yet I share it here for fun] a diagram that gave me a clearer sense of what I was experiencing.

This diagram describes a basic balanced being. With our emotions and thoughts as occurring in a wave or energy dipping into our unconscious and back out again. This dip is an intriguing phenomena, the theory being that one can watch this movement and not react. This process of observing caused these emotions and thoughts to gain a less dramatic swing.

This outcome brings something else into play, because in an observational position one is not affecting, one is viewing; a historical word for this can be to Witness. The "something else" that came into play seemed as if it were observing my activities and affecting the observational intent as an acknowledgment. I was confessing. I was confessing to what?

I say for now to Source.

This witnessing and confessing was going on within me. It was not a witnessing of others, though my activities that brought me into contact with others would stimulate my thoughts and emotions, this stimulating effect was upon me, it was my thoughts and emotions that were to be addressed.

I would like you to remember that this is a story and all stories are a lie.

"What I personally find exciting is that we have been programmed to read charts and diagrams as though they actually represented something."

By the way; this diagram has an entire book attached to it, and it was for me to write. Writing it was a great exercise in balance, since I was most comfortable in a non-linear state of mind the writing of this book required me to be extremely linear, while still observing.